Night Awakenings
Ordinary Time
When I was a child, I remember reading the lives of the saints. They were every bit as good as any adventure story I had read. Some even bordered on horror as I read of saints being tormented by the devil throughout the night. I was grateful not to be afflicted with sainthood, although I continued to be fascinated with their lives. I did not want any devil waking me at night, tormenting me.
Now as an adult, I have a new concept of what this devil may have been. I awake at night and I am troubled by thoughts of tasks undone, worries over tomorrow, concern over potential problems or conflict situations. All of these plague my sleep, keeping me from pleasant dreams.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night I will reach great insights only to have them disappear with the light of day as I recognize the fallacies in my reasoning. Sometimes I make grand promises of what I will do, only to realize the foolishness of my thoughts when I awaken. Sometimes I do get true insights that carry over into the day, but they are few and far between. Sometimes I even get insights that survive the test of time. Most of the time though I spend in useless stewing.
“Never trust thoughts, decisions made in the middle of the night,” a friend once told me. “Then our natural serotonin levels are down from lack of light and we are more prone to depression and depressed thoughts.”
Everything must be tested in the light of day. As St. Ignatius instructs, to make decisions in times of darkness and despair is to have the devil as our spiritual director. Darkness is a part of every life. Listen in the dark, learn in the dark, but leave decisions for the light of day.
Wait for the light.
Beloved, do not trust every spirit, but put the spirits to a test to see if they belong to God. 1 John 4:1
This post is part of a series of reflections on the Church year. Click here to follow blog
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