photo of Barbara Bush

Barbara Bush – A Tribute

 April 20, 2018

I didn’t know a lot about Barbara Bush outside of being the wife of former president George H.W. Bush and mother of former president George W. Bush. I have this recollection of this grandmotherly figure wearing pearls in the white house. I appreciated her work in promoting literacy. But, perhaps her greatest role was one I had not been aware of:  that of the mother of a young child who had died. In 1953, George and Barbara Bush lost their three-year-old daughter, Robin, to leukemia.

So often we look at the rich and famous with envy. We think, “if only I had the money they have,” or “their life is so much better than mine.” In reality, all of us have our own particular challenges. None of us get through this life without our share of hardships and heartaches, including the rich and famous. We may not know the burdens they carry but carry them they do.

For all of her fame, acclaim and money, I would not trade places with Barbara Bush. I can’t think of anything harder than experiencing the loss of a child, especially a young child. Yet Barbara bore this burden with grace that comes from faith.

“Her death was very peaceful. One minute she was there, and the next she was gone. I truly felt her soul go out of that beautiful little body. For one last time I combed her hair, and we held our precious little girl. I never felt the presence of God more strongly than at the moment,” she said about her daughter’s last day.

You never get over such a loss. Sixty-four years after the death of her daughter, fresh tears came to her eyes when talking about the loss to Susan Page, a USA Today reporter. You don’t get over, but you can get on with your life.

The fourth task of morning, according to William Worden, is embracing a new life while maintaining an enduring connection to the deceased. When I first started teaching grief counseling course almost ten years ago, this task was simply to embrace a new life. However, with the next edition of his book, Worden had changed this task. What he and other counselors had come to realize was that those who were grieving didn’t have to completely let go of their loved ones in order to move on to a new life.

Many of those they worked with still grieved years after the death. This didn’t mean they had not dealt with their grief. The challenge was not to get over, but to get on. To maintain a special place in their heart for their loved one. I believe that Barbara Bush did that, going on to live a full and rewarding life of service, while still holding a place in her heart for her daughter who had died so many years ago. In doing so, she taught us about living with grief.

And so, I would like to honor this good woman, wife, mother, woman of faith, and mother of a young child who had died far before her time. In her loss, Barbara Bush provided an example for all of us.

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If you would like to know more about grief, my book, Walking with Families through Grief, provides information on the tasks of grieving as well as how to maneuver through these tasks. It is full of helpful, practical information.

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