The Gift of Forgetting

 October 3, 2024

Over the years I have frequently reflected on the importance of memories: how they are roses in December, precious gifts to brighten our years as we age. With my mother’s Alzheimer’s and dementia diagnosis, I’ve also been reflecting on forgetting, how terrible it can be. But recently I have found myself recognizing that there is a gift of forgetting.

Forgive and Forget

Some people have an eidetic or photographic memory, meaning they can remember an image from memory with high precision—at least for a brief period of time—after seeing it only once. It’s not total recall, but pretty close. I used to think that would be great. No more forgetting everything a moment after I’m told; the ability to hold on to all of those precious moments without allowing even one to slip away into obscurity.

But I’m realizing this is not as great as it sounds. Do I really want to remember every bit of minutiae from my life, including what I ate for breakfast countless times throughout my years or the small arguments that crop up in every relationship. No, forgive and forget is a much better way to go, though not so easy.

The problem with forgive and forget is that you can will yourself to be open to forgiveness, but not to forget. The very act of trying to forget, may lodge the memory even deeper into the brain. Forgiveness entails a choice, a willingness to move on; forgetting is a gift. When we are able to actually forget about past hurts and hardships, what a gift.

The Mind as a Computer

In this computer age, the mind is often compared to a computer. If so, it is the most sophisticated one around. It is definitely the most complex living organ. But it is limited not unlimited. That is reserved for God. And so, like computers, we only have so much memory for storing data. When a computer gets too much data it slows down. It’s only natural that the human brain would slow down as it ages. There is only so much storage space in our brain. And so, we have to dump files now and then.

On our computer we get to choose which files to dump, unfortunately that is not the case for the brain. Or perhaps that’s part of the gift of forgetting. It’s much more efficient that way. Our mind automatically deletes certain bits of information. How would we know what to keep and what to discard? Who knows what bit of information will prove useful at a later date?

Better left in God’s hands, not our own. That’s part of the gift of forgetting, it truly is a gift from God.

The Gift of Forgetting

The past two years have been challenging as my mother’s dementia and its effects on her had progressed. At one point I found myself wondering would this be all I remember? Will the difficult time chase away all the good memories?

Since my mom’s death, I have been relieved to find that the negative memories have all been chased away as if they never happened as I reflect on my mom’s legacy and remember good times from my childhood.

Such is the gift of forgetting.  What are two years in a lifetime of 94? Just a blip. It’s like forgetting about labor pains after the birth of a child. Maybe it doesn’t happen right away, but over time. The pain is minimal then we forget. Why else would anyone have a second, or third, or fourth child?

And so, I’m learning that forgetting something is not as bad as I used to think. Many things are worth forgetting.

What about you? What do you wish you could forget?

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