Grieving the Loss of a Good Friend
This holiday season I’m grieving the loss of a good friend. No, not an individual, but a link to all my friends and loved ones, my cell phone. This occurred at a terrible time, while out of the country on an extended trip, making it impossible to get a replacement until we returned.
I know cell phones can be replaced, contacts and other data can eventually be recovered, still in our mobile society the loss of all this even for just a short amount of time is a major hassle.
Lost in Transition
We arrived at our destination, hopped in an Uber and were safely delivered to our hotel. The last thing I remember doing on my phone was clicking to add a tip for our driver. I checked with my husband to make sure he had everything, picked up my backpack, and I thought I put my iphone in my back pocket. While checking our bags in, I reached for my phone. Nothing. Not in my pants pocket, not in my jacket, not in my backpack. My husband tried calling my phone to see if it was there. Nothing.
The Uber, I thought and raced outside only to see the purple car pull out of the drop off point and turn right down the street. I ran after the car and saw it turn right again and out of my view, along with my newly purchased phone. Of course, it couldn’t be the old one with the failing battery that I lost. I had just purchased a new phone rather than buy a new battery to extend the phone life one more year. By then it would have been too old to get any money out of turning it in and too old to accept the latest updates. No, my shiny new iphone was now in the hands of a stranger.
With the help of the concierge, I was able to contact Uber using my chrome book. Five days and multiple messages later I still had no word on where my phone was. I had received several messages from Uber support saying they had contacted the driver and asked his permission to give me his phone number and thanking me for my patience. I told them that if the driver did not want to give me a phone number, he could leave the phone at the hotel where I was staying. Still no response.
Our Technology Dependent Lives
Amazing how much technology has changed our lives. Amazing how dependent we have become on our phones. Technology has become our friend, providing hours of entertainment, recommendations for restaurants, ways to get where we want to go. Fortunately, I had made paper copies of the essential documents I needed for our trip so that was not an issue. However, I now had no GPS to help me navigate in a foreign country and no Uber app to help me get rides.
On the day I was leaving the city and already checked out of my hotel, I received an email saying my lost item had been delivered and I had been charged $20 to compensate the driver for his time. I called the hotel and no one knew anything about an iphone being dropped off by an Uber driver. And so, I had to leave the city without my cell phone and all the vital contacts and services it provided.
Sleepless Nights
During the first five nights, dealing with jet lag and stress over my lost phone, I did not sleep well. But what I’ve been thinking about in those sleepless nights isn’t just the loss of my phone, but the loss of my mom a year and a half ago.
Often new losses put us in touch with earlier, more important losses. Ones that we have yet to fully grieve (as if we ever fully grieve the loss of our loved ones). The last few years of my mom’s life had been challenging ones as she dealt with losses brought on by Alzheimer’s and dementia. When she died, I felt relieved. I had lost my mom a number of years before this as these ailments progressed. Towards the end I found myself wondering if all the negatives from the last few years would outweigh the many good memories I had of mom. For a while, that seemed to be the case. Fortunately, now those negatives are behind me. I choose to focus on the good, like how my mom always made holidays and birthdays special.
So, I’m still grieving. I don’t want mom back, not given all she went through (along with me) in those final years. But unlike my cellphone, she cannot be replaced. And that’s okay. I wouldn’t want a replacement if one was available.
Grieving the Loss of a Good Friend
While I am grieving the loss of a good friend, my cell phone, I will get a new cellphone eventually. If unable to retrieve my data from the cloud, I will eventually rebuild all I lost. But nothing brings back a beloved family member, and that’s okay. I’m still grieving. And that’s okay.
What about you? Are you grieving over the holidays? Is there a grief in your life that needs to surface? I would love to hear from you. And if I can help through prayer and support, let me know. Email me, patricia@patriciamrobertson.com.
If you are dealing with grief this holiday season, my book, Walking with Families through Grief, is available. It can help you get through the hard work of grief to new life. Click here for more information.
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